Do you have an old fur coat that your Great Aunt Betty left you in her will and you don’t like? Or perhaps you bought a fur coat in the 70s and never wear it anymore for fear of being sprayed with red paint? There is a solution. Visit:

http://www.hsus.org/furfree/campaigns/c4c/

This is a program called Coats for Cubs sponsored by the Humane Society. It gives unwanted and unworm fur coats to wildlife rehabilators. The fur becomes a security blanket, mother and sibling to the injured or sick animal. You just mail your coat, stole, hat, gloves or scarf to the address on the website. You can ask for a letter of thanks and even write off the donation on your taxes.

Please consider taking that dusty coat out of your closet and giving it to an animal in need.

I went today to try the CVS game again. (Buy something that earns you Bucks, roll the bucks to buy something else that earns you Bucks, etc.) As usual they were out of the stuff that earns you Bucks.

I give up.

Last week I made French bread rolls. From scratch. If you’ve ever made bread from scratch (not with a bread machine) you know how time consuming bread is. If you’ve ever made French bread, you know what I mean when I said, “What the hell was I thinking? This takes so much time! I can buy a loaf for $1.50!”

So you mix the ingredients (See Betty Crocker Picture Cookbook – yeah, the red one your mom or grandma has) and knead. Then you let rise for 2 hours. Then you punch dough down and let rise 45 more minutes. Then you shape into a loaf or rolls and baste with water. Let rise 30 more minutes. Then you baste with more water. Then you bake on high heat 10 minutes. Baste with more water, bake 10 minutes on low heat. Do you see what I mean?

It was a hell of a lot of work for 16 rolls. But… when I was kneading the dough in the warm kitchen, the smell of yeast and flour in the air, I thought, “How many women before me have done this? How many women have filled their families stomachs, staved off hunger, brought a smile to someone’s face, sent a taste of home to a battlefield, soothed a sick child, made someone remember the past… all with simple ingredients, the movements of their hands and time?”

I have time for that.

A single rose: “I don’t love you enough” or “I am a cheapskate”.

A large, ostentatious bouquet delivered to your workplace: “I want everyone to know how much money I have”.

A wilted bouquet or one with oddly tinted flowers: “I stopped at a gas station on the way home and this is all they had”.

A bouquet of carnations: “I don’t love you enough” or “I am a cheapskate”.

A bouquet of chocolate roses: “You’re fat, so I may as well buy you something to eat”.

What other Valentine’s Day Gifts Really Mean:

A generic teddy bear and Whitman’s sampler: “It’s easier to buy in triplicate: one for you, one for my mom, one for my grandma”.

Perfume wildly different from what you usually wear: “I want you to smell like my ex… or my mom”.

A vacuum or small household appliance: “I can only afford one good gift… and my mistress got it”.

An outrageously expensive greeting card: “I couldn’t think of what to buy for you… hopefully someone’s else’s love poem will make up for it”.

Clothing wildly different from what you usually wear: “I want you to look like my ex… or my mom”.

What did Michael get me for Valentine’s Day? He printed and laminated some new bookmarks for me (I love bookmarks), made a card, and cooked me pot roast (which I love and haven’t made in about 6 years). I gave him M&Ms… because I am a cheapskate.

Update: A few days later I bought Michael a box of Crunch & Munch (40¢ with coupon) and cinnamon pecan swirls (full price 78¢). Who loves you, baby?

I had a encounter with a rude and misdirected customer that I thought warranted discussion.

A woman stopped at my U-Check-Ur-Own-Damn-Self-Out podium, mistakenly thinking I was a manager. She barked, “Your store is poorly staffed.”

I replied, “Okay.”

Taken aback, she asked, “Well, what do you plan on doing about it?”

“Nothing.”

She stormed off in a rage. I was amused at her misdirected anger.

If you are in a business and you need assistance of some sort make sure you are speaking to the right person. Just because an employee is standing in the clothing section does not mean they work in that section. Maybe they’re just walking through it on their way to somewhere else or maybe they were browsing while they’re on break.

The question you should ask is “Do you work in this department? If not, could you get an employee from this department?”. If you need to speak to a supervisor, don’t assume it’s the person behind the desk or the oldest person or the one with the nicest clothes. Ask the question “Are you the manager or supervisor? If not, could you get him or her?”

Just be polite about it, damn it!