It’s called nataliedee.com and it’s chockful of sarcastic cartoons. Like this:

Yeah, baby! Glow-in-the-dark chicks unite! (It will be easy to find one another.)

When you’re not arguing with them?

Yesterday. a woman came through the check-your-own-damn-self-out. She bought a box of Special K cereal and scanned a 25¢ off coupon. I walked out to verify the coupon and take it back to the podium where it’s filed in a zippered bag.

I nicely said, “I’ll take your coupon.”

She shrieked, “It’s a valid coupon! It doesn’t have an expiration date!”

“Okay”, I replied. “I’ll take your coupon.”

“It took it off. It’s a valid coupon.”

I pointed to the sign that said “please ask for assistance with coupons”. “Okay. I’ll take your coupon.”

“Where do I put the coupon? It’s good! It took it off!”

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, woman! I’m not arguing with you. You are arguing with yourself. Give me the goddamned coupon and piss off!

When she finally relented and handed me the coupon, I saw why she was so worked up. It was a 25¢ off coupon clipped from a magazine. The ad on the back (dog food?) was copyright 1985. So she either clipped this out of a old mag or, more likely, bought the coupon on eBay and was feeling guilty or feared being busted for coupon fraud.

But there was no fraud. The truth was what she kept screaming: “It’s a valid coupon!” It was valid, she just had a guilty conscience.

I cannot go to a so-called dollar store without spending ten or twenty bucks. And now that I am constantly on the search for bento accessories, this place is my new nemesis.

The Strawberry Shortcake containers were each a dollar. The crescent shape is a silicone baking mold, but will make an excellent divider in a bento box. The monkey and tiger cups are from the infants section and were 2 for $1.00. They came with a spoon and will be perfect for yogurt or fruit.

(Not pictured: nacho cheese, “cheetos”, and TGIF potato skins. Nothing like cheap, unhealthy junk food.)

As we were standing in line, I remarked, “I just negated all the money I saved at Kroger!”

It was a busy college football gameday. All the idiots were out, trying to buy more beer than the state limit allows. I had only been working for a half hour when I was sent to the “check-your-own-damn-self-out” to cover a lunch break.

One of my first customers was an late 60-ish woman on a motorized scooter. She glared at me as she scanned her items and got visibly angry when the computerized voice told her to “please place the item in the bagging area. “What is her problem?” I thought. “If she doesn’t like these things, she should go to a register!”

She paid by check so I had to interact with her at the attendant station. She said something while wildly gesturing towards the ceiling. I thought I had misheard her. I  wanted to have misheard her. I asked her to repeat herself.

“Does this place use TV to persecute people?”

No, I had heard her correctly. And the theme of the day is “batshit crazy”.

By the way, you crazy bitch, it’s called surveillance and you mean prosecute!

I do not show skin. Like, ever. I don’t wear shorts, my bathing suit is a modest 80s boy bottom, I don’t wear skirts that go above the knee and I don’t show cleavage.

Today, at work, I was wearing a long sleeve button down with a pullover sweatshirt over it, an ankle length corduroy circle skirt and fuzzy boots. It’s a super comfy and warm outfit.

A Mennonite woman stopped and told me, “You’re dressed so lovely… And so modestly, too.”

I do pride myself on my strength of character. I don’t wear Daisy Dukes, I have never been seen in public in my pajamas, I do not yap about my personal life to strangers, I’ve never posted a video of me dancing on a bar on YouTube. (I’ve danced on a bar – there’s just no video of it.) However, I have tattoos that I am proud of and have plans to get more. I have had my navel pierced – twice. Until a few months ago, my hair was dyed bright cherry red (and it was not my choice to change it). I am fairly liberal. I believe in ghosts and aliens and past lives.

So is being called modest a compliment or a sign I am getting old and complacent?

I still love my corduroy skirt, though.