When you’re not arguing with them?

Yesterday. a woman came through the check-your-own-damn-self-out. She bought a box of Special K cereal and scanned a 25¢ off coupon. I walked out to verify the coupon and take it back to the podium where it’s filed in a zippered bag.

I nicely said, “I’ll take your coupon.”

She shrieked, “It’s a valid coupon! It doesn’t have an expiration date!”

“Okay”, I replied. “I’ll take your coupon.”

“It took it off. It’s a valid coupon.”

I pointed to the sign that said “please ask for assistance with coupons”. “Okay. I’ll take your coupon.”

“Where do I put the coupon? It’s good! It took it off!”

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, woman! I’m not arguing with you. You are arguing with yourself. Give me the goddamned coupon and piss off!

When she finally relented and handed me the coupon, I saw why she was so worked up. It was a 25¢ off coupon clipped from a magazine. The ad on the back (dog food?) was copyright 1985. So she either clipped this out of a old mag or, more likely, bought the coupon on eBay and was feeling guilty or feared being busted for coupon fraud.

But there was no fraud. The truth was what she kept screaming: “It’s a valid coupon!” It was valid, she just had a guilty conscience.