It’s Saturday night. I don’t have to work at Big Box Mart tomorrow. I do have to work at Comic Doses, but I can be hungover. I’m the owner. I’m not going to fire me.

I hate when items say “New and Improved”. Um, no. It can be “new” or it can be “improved”. It can’t be both. It could be “old and improved”. I saw a frozen dinner today that said “new improved recipe”. Okay, grammatically, that is better. Plus, you wouldn’t advertise “same crappy flavor as before!”.

I trained a new cashier today. She’s probably 40 years old. She has big, pouffy mall bangs sprayed into submission with Aquanet, I’m sure. Her name ends with an “i”. I bet she used to dot her “i” with a heart. Lady, get a new hairdo.

Remember Zubaz? Also known as Joey Buttafuco pants? They were stretchy wide cotton pants with tapered legs to be worn while lifting weights or to make you appear as if you lift weights. Now, I see guys wearing pajama pants (otherwise known as jammie bottoms) instead of Jubaz. Okay, dude, I don’t think you’ve been working out in your Superman pants, I think you just rolled your lazy ass out of bed.

I made a really good joke last week to a customer and they didn’t get it. They bought one of those pole mounted, carpet covered cat climbing apparatus. The box said “cat tree”. I remarked, “I wonder how many cats you’ll harvest off that tree this season?”

I actually had all really nice and/or neutral customers today. No one swore at me, no one threw anything at me and no one tried to get me fired. In my world, that’s a good Saturday.