just a few:

“My kid can only eat half a cup [paper, like a tiny Slurpee cup, holds about 10 ounces] of popcorn chicken. Can you just charge me for half of this?” Um, no. You should have asked for a quarter of a pound and had them put it in a little bag. When the deli puts it in the barcoded cup, I have to charge you for the whole cup!

“The other big store down the street has spray-on truck bed liner on sale for half the price you charge. Here’s the receipt from the other store. Can you match the price?” Again, um, no. Why don’t you just go back there and buy more at that price. And if you really need EIGHT more cans of this stuff, wouldn’t it be cheaper to just buy a plastic truck bed liner?

“Why won’t my EBT [food stamp card] work on hot food from the deli?” Bitch, can you go to KFC with your food stamps? Then why should you be able to buy fried chicken and mashed potatoes at Big Box Mart with food stamps?

(This was actually a couple weeks ago, but I haven’t posted in a month. Bad, bad blogger! Thirty lashes with wet udon!)

Wife: “Can I match the price on Pepsi cubes at the Other Big Store?” Yes, but it’s a limit of ONE. Husband: “Grumble, grumble. There we’d be able to get two. *whine*.” Wife (to husband in condescending tone): “Honey, where are we? Big Box Mart, not Other Big Store. If she says it’s a limit of one, it’s a limit of one.”

You know, sometimes the customer is right!