The correct response to “Thank you. Have a nice day/night” is not “uh-huh” or even “thanks”. It should be “Thank you. You too” or “To you as well” or “Thanks and happy National Pasteurized Cheese Product Day, to you.”

Don’t be shocked when stores run out of eggs the NIGHT BEFORE EASTER! It’s friggin’ EASTER! The holiday where you must hard boil and dye eggs or… the evil bunny will… um… kill you in your sleep.

When a cashier asks “How are you today?” please realize he/she doesn’t really give a crap. Tell yourself “This person is not my therapist, this person is not my therapist” over and over until the need to spill your most personal details passes.

Again, if you are too stupid to work a self checkout/U-Scan – don’t use one. It’s self explanatory. If you need things explained, you have defeated the purpose!

Why do people insist on wishing you well on holidays you might not be celebrating? For several years there has been a Christmas backlash. People wishing you “Merry Christmas” in a way that suggests you better friggin’ have a Merry Christmas even if you are Jewish. Because, being politically correct is no longer PC. Customers kept wishing me a “Happy Mother’s Day” the last couple of days. Okay, I have two furkids which most people don’t count, so what the crap are you wishing me? I told a couple people, “Well, I don’t have kids, but I’ll pass it on to my own mom…” Are people going to wish me a “Happy Father’s Day” just in case I am a lesbian helping to raise my partner’s children?